Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Lessons In Our Home

Our older girls, Kathryn & Rosalie, learned something today. I pray that God will forever etch this into their memories as they interact throughout their lives. I have been trying to explain this to them for mmmmm..... ever...
Just this morning, in fact, Lukasz was cryeaming (crying & screaming all at once). I walked out of the bathroom & Kathryn had him on her lap trying to console him. As the story unfolded, Gabe & Luke were fighting. Lukasz got punched (thanks to The New Karate Kid). But in Lukasz's own words, "Gabriel didn't punch me that hard, Mama." The lesson there is, Gabriel: Don't hit unless you are defending your life. Lukasz: Don't throw a fit to try to get your brother in trouble. Kathryn: Do NOT coddle him.

Later this afternoon, I laid Izabella down for a nap. She goes to sleep on her own, sometimes crying for about 5 minutes. After 15 minutes, I got up to see what the problem was to find little Bella with a bubble coming out of her nose. I picked her up to wipe her face. As I walked out of the room, her older sisters were right there. They exclaimed, "Oh, Bella, what's wrong?", in their most dramatic, caring, pitiful tone possible. Bella's lip started to quiver, then she started to wail. "What's wrong with her, Mama?" "Change your face. I'll bet she stops." They smiled at her & talked cheerfully to her & her countenance changed immediately to happy & excited. Like the flip of a switch. Instant change.
It is so important that we not have pity for our little ones, even when they truly
are hurt.
Compassion, yes. Pity, no.
Do we want our children to grow up to be vicims or victors? Encouragers or the one who always needs encouragement? Do we want them to always be sick because that's how they've always gotten attention.
We have saying in our house.
"We do not have any poor babies!!!"
They are warriors & princesses!
Mighty & noble men & women of God!

I was laughing as I took this picture... Gabe fell into the pond! :)

Another lesson we've been learning... Beware of feelings. What I mean is, just because we feel this way, doesn't mean we can act a certain way or treat others poorly because "we feel like it." Kathryn is 14. Enough said. She's emotional & dramatic. She always has been. Now, it's in hyperdrive. So, we sat down and talked about it. I know those feelings. But just because I am "pregnant, nursing, have PMS, the house is dirty, I'm worried about money, somebody hurt my "stinking feelings", "... and on and on the excuses go for why I am angry, anxious, depressed... Just because... I don't have the right to trample all over my family because of how I feel.

Be joyful... Be thankful... Be submissive... Be gentle...
Be meek... Be fruitful... Be patient... Be kind... Be bold...
Do everything without complaining or arguing...
So, Kathryn and I sat down and talked about it and we agreed to submit our feelings to the Lord together and pray for strength to act "right" even when we don't feel "right".

I am also learning to really utilize this time with Izabella to train her with good habits. I spend so much time with her right now, feeding her, diapering her, rocking her... What a perfect opportunity to train!

The best training occurs before your child turns 1 year old. Michael Pearl

Some habits we are training her in right now...
  1. Do not touch your bowl. I place her bowl right in front of her on the tray & she rarely touches it.
  2. Do not grab my glasses.
  3. Do not bite. (Essential for nursing mamas!)
  4. You may play only on the rug. We do not want her wandering over to the wood stove & getting hurt.
  5. Going to sleep on her own.
  6. Going potty on the potty.
Now, I know this one seems rather odd, but I am going to explain... I have read about infants being potty trained. I thought it to be weird, stupid even. I had NO desire to even attempt this, at all, with any of our children. Well, when Izabella started eating solid foods, she became painfully constipated. One morning, as she was screaming, I put her on the potty, just to see if that position would help her to go. It worked well! I put her on after lunch & dinner, just so that she would continue to go well, while the carrots got out of her system. The next day, I decided to put her on after breakfast, lunch & dinner. What the heck... I change her diaper then anyways. And we've been going ever since. It literally took no more than 2 days to get her used to going on the potty. Now, she is much more comfortable to go on the potty than in her diaper. Once we have some cloth diapers, I will try to "pee pee" train her, as well. This is not something that I stressed out about or get frustrated with if we are out & about & she goes in her diaper. It's just a lot easier for her & I this way. Daddy is very proud!
Anya is finally potty trained, after 6 months of sporadic effort on her & my part. Anya was just trained to go in her diaper. She was more comfortable going & hiding in her room than in the bathroom.
2 days versus 6 months... hmmm....

I am amazed at how much we learn around our house from the kids. Maybe the greatest blessing of being a homeschool family is all that Mama & Daddy learn from the children. :)

In His Grip,

Friday, October 29, 2010

The Importance of Having Fun Even When You Are Folding Laundry :)

We have a set of our books that we love to read. No Greater Joy Volumes 1, 2 & 3 have great stories & words of wisdom in them. I came upon this one the other day & God spoke to my heart once again about the importance of enjoying our children, having fun with them & loving them while training them. Instead of making the training of chores, let's say, something that I do once. Allowing it to become a part of our life, not the end in itself, but the means by which we train them to be obedient, train them to be joyful, train them to be loving & happy & confident. What a freedom this is bringing to our home! And you know what... It is working! We changed our system of laundry. Instead of Kathryn doing the bulk of the laundry while I watched & entertained the younger four, we bring all the laundry up to the living room & fold it together, socks & all. And then we put it ALL away. The end result... For 2 weeks, we have been caught up on laundry, the laundry has been put away & it is cleaner in our laundry room. But most importantly, Gabriel, Lukasz & Anya are learning to sort their own socks, put them away & they are not nearly as mischievous because they're doing something constructive! So, please enjoy this article. Follow the link after it & read their other articles or buy their books! Created to Be His HelpMeet, The Vision & To Train Up A Child are all excellent!

Rodless Training

by Michael Pearl July 1999

I just hung up the phone after talking with a pastor concerning a new member in his church. This single mother had been hopelessly bound in drugs and immorality, living a life of sin and degradation. The state had removed the children from her home. For two years they were passed around from institution to temporary residence, to institution, and back again. This mother, forsaken by all but the predators who sought to consume the scared flesh that remained, was lost—alone, wasted, hopeless. "But God…(Eph. 2:4)." Then someone told her about the forgiveness that was purchased by the blood of Jesus. In a moment’s time, without the aid of religious ritual or practiced instruction, she was translated from the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of God’s dear son (Col. 1:13). It is called the New Birth and is the only door to heaven (John 3). The State quickly recognized that she was not the same person whose lifestyle had necessitated removal of her children. The children were sent home to their new mother. But when she sought to begin a new life with her children she found they were as inmates released from captivity, monsters of contention and rebellion. Children that start life in a government institution often end up in one.

The Pastor related the dilemma. He had given her our book, but when she attempted to implement the things she learned, she realized that she was setting herself up to lose the children back to the state. For when she spanked them they would scream, "Please don’t whip me." She is still on probation and must receive visits from social workers. If a child were to reveal that he was being spanked, the children would be immediately removed and placed back in a soulless institution. There they would not be bruised on the outside, but they would continue to rot from the inside.

So the pastor’s question was, "Is there a way to train children if you are prevented from Biblical application of the rod?" The Bible says, "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him (Proverbs 22:15)."

"Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell (Proverbs 23:13-14)."

"The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame (Proverbs 29:15)."

This question has been asked in more than one way. It is a common situation. One parent absolutely stands against use of the rod, and so it could not be employed effectively. Can the other parent still train the children? If you are a foster parent you are forbidden from using the rod. Perhaps you are host to your grandchildren and not allowed to spank them. Maybe you are often in charge of the neighbor’s kids. Likewise, you are limited if you are a worker in a daycare or if you are a schoolteacher.

The question is, "If I am in a position where I cannot use the rod, am I already doomed to failure, or is there still hope? Can children be trained without use of the rod?" Absolutely. But they cannot be absolutely trained. Proper application of the rod is indispensable to communicating the divine principle of retributive justice, but any child, military man, employee, the neighbor’s kid, your dog, cat, or the birds in your yard can be trained through manipulating their relationship to their environment. Any creature that is self-motivated and has likes and dislikes can be trained if you are in a position to reward or deny any pleasure or need. Where humans are concerned you have the added tools of reason, moral persuasion, social persuasion, and conscience. Where it concerns those that are close to you, that is, they depend upon your fellowship for their mental satisfaction, you have the additional tools of persuasion and example.

If you are seeking to avoid the rod because you are an emotional coward or you are a product of contemporary philosophy, then not obeying God in this matter should not be considered an option. The Word of God teaches us the best method of child training, and proper use of the rod is a part of that program. Furthermore, if you abstain from use of the rod because you believe there is a better way, then you have revealed a fundamental flaw in your thinking that will leave a giant hole in any method you adopt. In other words, a person who understands the value and principle of the rod, but is somehow prevented from using it, will carry those valuable principles over into rodless training and so reap some of the benefits. Whereas the person that does not believe in use of the rod is so flawed in his understanding of human nature and life in general that no technique will be entirely effective for him.

So if circumstances beyond your control prevent you from doing as God commands, you are not without tools. There are still plenty of options available to you. You can do a relatively good job of training if you are consistent and recognize the nature of your limitations. You will have to lean more heavily on alternatives that tend toward accomplishing the same end.

Here is a single mother with chaotic children whom she must train without the assistance of the ultimate force—pain. She tells them to do something, and they immediately seek to do the opposite. She invites them to the table, and they tarry or declare that they are not hungry. Thirty minutes later they are demanding something sweet. When she refuses, they begin to cry and beg. When she tells them to stop, they scream. Then they start fighting between themselves. When she tries to interfere, they turn on her in violence. Their favorite word is "No" spoken with defiance. They will say "No" even when they would actually like to comply, just to express their autonomy.

Let’s take it further so as to be relevant to a larger audience. If she were to spank them, they would react by screaming and fighting her. They would pull away, try to grab the switch, scream "No," and go completely hysterical. She could not spank them until they yielded, unless she spanked them into physical exhaustion, which of course would be counterproductive. In short, in her attempt to build a relationship with them, at this early stage, spanking would not likely be profitable anyway. You may be thinking, "My children have always been in a secure environment and they act just like that."

The foremost need in child training, the ground on which all positive guidance occurs, is the relationship of child to parent. Her children are doubtlessly in an adversarial frame of mind. It is not just that they seek to put forward their own agenda, but that they actually seek to sabotage hers. It is vain to make her will clear, because they have already decided to resist all control. A rebel is not so concerned with doing his own thing as he is in not doing the will of another. He dedicates himself to publicly demonstrating that he is not in subjection to any authority. It is his agenda to rebel, to prove his independence and lack of respect.

Now we who are not emotionally involved are inclined to see the situation from the child’s point of view. The poor children have been emotionally deprived and abused. It is not their fault that they were jerked up and passed around like a piece of rental equipment. They are hostile because they have never known love and security. They have never had anyone they could trust to always be there. They are products of the adults surrounding them.

However, if we now handle them under our own shadow of guilt and sympathy they will be further ruined. If our understanding of their plight causes us to sympathize, we will only authenticate their hostilities. You must remember, children raised under the best of circumstances, in a home of love and security, are nonetheless inclined to selfish domination and independent action against the rule of law. If a child is "left to himself" he does not grow up beautiful, he grows up to be a little devil and will "bring his mother to shame (Prov. 29:15)." Her children are what they are because of neglect, but they are only being themselves. It is not a matter of just bad habits, it is now a case of bad character—yes, even at two years old.

But we are not going to blame the children, we are going to train them—however difficult, without the use of the rod. We may not achieve as high results, but if we are wise and consistent, others will brag on "what good kids" we have.

In our first book on child training, we talked about "tying strings." The first step in all child training, the foundation stone that must be continually renewed, is fellowship between parent and child. In 99% of all homes, children are in an adversarial state of mind most of the time. The first step, the step without which all other attempts are in vain, is to establish mutual ties of respect and honor. Unless the children can trust their parents with the handling of their souls they will not make themselves vulnerable. It is the same with you, is it not? Children must be brought to the place where they want to please their parents. Until children value the approval of their parents more than the lure of any indulgence there is not foundation for training. The parents will be constantly leaving their children behind.

Fear of punishment is not sufficient to make children compliant; it will certainly not remove the adversarial mentality. When parents get to the place where they are relying on threats alone, they have totally lost fellowship and are functioning as the IRS. Threats might get outward compliance but never the heart—quite the opposite.

So there is nothing that prevents this mother from taking the first step in child training—establish a relationship of trust and respect. How is this done? Enjoy the children and cause them to enjoy you. Don’t ask anything of them that is not absolutely necessary to the stability of the home, give them something they want—not selfish demands, just ignore those. Give them your time, your attention, your laugh, your approval, your touch, hugs, reading, silly funnies, rolling on the carpet or yard, pushing in the swing, or pulling in the wagon. But most of all, let them bask in your smile until they need it like they need the next breath. Cause them to feed on your fellowship, to relax until they are sure you care only for their good, that you live to enjoy their company and would not be happy without them. Do this and you will have achieved what most Christian homes are missing.

When you first begin to mend a broken relationship, or build one that never existed, you will have to do what friends do—ignore problem areas, absorb ugliness, for "they know not what they do." If they begin to trust you, and you strike at them, physically or verbally, they will withdraw, and it will take longer to draw them into the open again. You can stand firm on issues; just make sure that you are always relaxed and calm in your responses. If you have to reject an action, never communicate rejection of them as a person. The worse thing you can do in this attempt to rebuild the relationship is to develop critical feelings toward them and to become short and abusive in your language or attitude. They will shut you out like shutting the barn door on a winter storm. You can wipe out everything by having a condemning attitude.

Your reach as a disciplinarian cannot exceed the limits of your fellowship with the child. Rebuke must be delivered in an atmosphere of trust and respect. If you have lost the child’s heart, then the child will have lost the heart to please you. If the child is not in agreement to pull with you, it is vain to try to harness him to your rules. The occasional rebuke must be the exception to a constant sharing of positive experiences. When rebuke and chastisement are strung along on a thread of long silences, punctuated by beads of unpleasantries, it will only strangle the relationship, not beautify the child’s soul.

The other day my daughters took in a younger girl that was a product of the Federal School, a working mother, and an insensitive father—in that order. She was at that age just before puberty when it is easy to be misunderstood and confused. The child had been swept along in the sexless society of the federal system. She was not feminine or lovely in demeanor. My girls spent the day treating her as another "lady." Toward the end of the day when it was near time for her father to pick her up, they got her dressed in a long flowing dress. You could tell that at first it was an embarrassment to her to appear so vulnerable, so feminine, but she soon began to enjoy it. She started carrying herself differently. The affected gawkiness disappeared. She smiled with a blush and gracefully swept around the room. Soon her father came into the room. You could tell that she was pleased with herself and was expecting his approval. My daughters presented her to him as if she were a newly dressed bride, exclaiming how nice she looked in a dress. He blurted, "Yea, I been telling her she would look better in dresses. She just wears those old pants. The kids these days…." Her countenance fell and her shoulders hardened into the reserved condition she had displayed hours earlier. It was obvious to her that rather than her father being pleased with her, he was pleased with himself that she had justified what he "had been saying all along." On such small threads do our children hang. She had attempted to take a new course, one that could have made a great difference in her life, but his preoccupation with himself had shut the door in her face. He was not mean or cruel or angry—just insensitive, absorbed with his own performance, perhaps carrying latent irritation at having been ignored so long. He had a chance to join hearts with her, but he missed it.

Can you see that in such simple, day to day matters hangs all of child training. Until we tie strings of fellowship all else is vain, even harmful. If you would train your children and you are prevented from using the rod, you still have at your disposal a tool that most of my readers have never effectively employed—continuous fellowship with their child. If you can create an atmosphere of trust and good will, you will greatly reduce the need to spank the small child, and nearly eliminate the need in children 8 or older.

After you have established fellowship with your children, the next step in training is to gain their respect as a person of principle. Your children must know that you answer to, and act as representative of, a rule of law that is higher than your own personal preference. You have boundaries that you adhere to and expect them to do likewise. By reverencing boundaries in your own life you communicate that there is a Lawgiver higher than your own feelings and impulses. If the child is made to feel that he or she must obey you only because you are bigger or tougher, or because you have control of the resources, then your influence will extend only until they are big enough to rebel without severe consequences. But if the child treasures your fellowship and wants to please you, and on top of that the child wants to please the God that you please, then you have a solid foundation for training. The only battle left is the child’s flesh.

Many parents have found, all too late, that religious instruction given in the context of permissiveness works to produce atheists and infidels rather than Christians. I personally know many families that took their children to church and talked spirituality while indulging the flesh in food and pleasure and indulging the soul in irritability and pettiness, with the result that their children grew up to resemble sons and daughters of Baal rather than children of a holy God. Children dragged through that kind of confusion are far harder to reach with the truth of Christ than are the abused and abusing sons and daughters of prostitutes and dope peddlers. I know whereof I speak. Besides dealing with hundreds of such cases, some of my own relatives serve as the best examples.

So, on a foundation of fellowship and respect for God the lawgiver, you are ready to deal with that indomitable enemy of all the sons of Adam—the flesh. Even when your child wants to please you and wants to please God, he/she is going to feel the constant pull of the desires of the flesh. "The flesh lusteth against the spirit and the spirit against the flesh, and these are contrary the one to the other so that [your child] cannot do the things that he would." Here is where the mechanics of training are inaugurated. Your young child is composed of two opposing elements—elements that were in harmony before the fall of Adam—the flesh and the spirit. The spirit is that inner man, the soulish self. The flesh is that nonmaterial biological conglomerate of tissue, bone, and blood that is endowed with passion and drives.

The spirit can receive instruction and make decision based on values, whereas the flesh is indifferent to good and evil. Like any animal or plant, the flesh seeks survival and propagation. It battles within seeking to maintain a stability that promotes health, and it strives without seeking zones of comfort and pleasure. The body has no built in governor that predetermines moderation or sets limits. It would eat what tastes good, and it would eat it now. It would rest rather than work and take rather than give. The body cares not how it affects others or what might be the long-range consequences. The body neither knows nor cares that present actions will result in cavities, obesity, colon cancer, heart disease, or venereal disease; it just pursues the line of immediate pleasure. Where there is not an active, mature, trained, and disciplined mind exercising control, the body is a self-destructive fungus.

The bottom line you must recognize is that the infant is born with all of the passions of body but with no capacity for self-restraint. Your three-year-old has active bodily drives but no understanding or will to moderation and self-restraint. The child will be in his early to middle teens before he can function so as to be self motivated to the point of subjecting the body to the spirit. You can have a child with a submissive heart, but he cannot exercise his mind to self-restraint.

Herein is the parental responsibility: While your child is in the process of maturing, before he can govern himself, it is your responsibility to function as his spirit, as his governor. You will act as his conscience, his sensor, advisor, instructor, chastiser, rebuker. You will say no to his flesh when he cannot. You will be ever alert, vigilant, on guard to detect any uprising of flesh. You will strengthen his resolve to stand by the rule of law and deny the flesh. You will spot laziness and lead him in an attack against it. You will spot selfishness and see that it is not gratified. In short, you will never allow it to be a pleasing experience to indulge the flesh. He will be caused to find rest and peace in one path only—the path of holiness and self-discipline. Your job is to make all evil counterproductive and unrewarding and to make all righteousness and discipline to be delightful and joyous.

At this point the parent would have the rod as an enforcer against the monster of flesh. When the flesh runs away with the spirit and captivates the will, when the child turns on you like an angry dog and refuses to give ground, the rod can restore his respect for your authority. It is your final tool against the power of the body to commit mutiny and take the will captive.

But our subject is: "What can you do if you are denied that ultimate power to subdue the flesh?" You can fully apply all of the above measures so that you do not come to that place where the rod is necessary. Yet, we must face the obvious truth that no parent is going to create a net of training so tight that the kids don’t occasionally slip through. There will be times when a spanking is appropriate. But you are prevented! Then use your power as the caretaker and dispenser of all privileges and responsibilities to make his actions totally counterproductive. If you can’t spank the flesh, starve it with an embargo. Stand your ground and do not let the little fellow find satisfaction in his pursuits. Stay on duty, demanding obedience until he surrenders his will to your persistence. If there is a way to deny him access to some means of indulgence that relates to the offense, then by all means as governor of the island on which he lives deny him normal privileges until he complies.

The one—most important—principle is to never allow his rebellion to be successful. Always win the contest. You can do this because of your position as banker, cook, house cleaner, playtime supervisor, work detail manager, etc. Stand your ground. If you develop a reputation as a winner of conflicts, you will be home free. If you develop a reputation as a vacillating wimp that whines and complains about how you are treated, they will run over you like a discarded aluminum can. The key is to win. Always win. Stand by your demands. Be just. Be reasonable. Be consistent. Be tough. Be there all the time, ever in his face, loving, laughing, smiling, and demanding compliance as foreman of the home.

Without use of the rod, you will be handicapped but not crippled. You won’t do as good of a job as you could have done, but with determination and vigilance, you can do a better job than 99% of the other Christian parents who have full freedom to use the rod.

No Greater Joy

No Greater Joy
1000 Pearl Road
Pleasantville, TN 37033

I hope you have enjoyed this article as much as I have.

In His Grip,

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Are You Listening To Me?

Some days I feel like I'm walking in stride with Jesus pretty well... other days, it's more like I can't get into rhythm with Him. He's saying, "left, left, left, right, left". And I'm tripping & fumbling & concentrating really hard, but just not getting it. These past few weeks have been like that.
God has been trying to speak to me about little things, but I've been way too busy trying to get "things done" to listen.

We were camping. Everyone was sitting around the campfire enjoying a hot cup of tea. Our little Anya asked for a cup. We got it for her, but the Holy Spirit told me it was too hot, not to give it to her. So, I gave it to her & told her to just hold it because it was too hot to drink. She spilled it almost immediately & burned her little leg. I am ashamed even as I type those words. Why didn't I listen?

I went to get a pair of pants for my dear hubby out of the laundry room. I grabbed the green pair, but saw the brown pair. The Holy Spirit whispered, "Grab the brown pair too." "Nah", I said, "we'll be folding clothes later. I'll just bring them up then." I went back upstairs with the green pair. When D (my nickname for Daniel) saw the green jeans he commented that he would really like the brown pair because he's been cutting wood & painting in them, so they would work perfectly for another "dirty" day. GRRRRR!!!! I sent Kathryn downstairs to get his brown pair. I'm sure she was wondering how I knew exactly where they were. :)

I decided that it would be a good idea to take the kids to K Mart to pick up some shoes. It's a 1/2 hour away, but D have forgotten some things on his last job that I needed to pick up anyways, so why not make the trip. Sounds good, right? Well, I certainly didn't pray about it & I wasn't comfortable with it even as I made those plans, buuuuuuuutttt.... I had already told everyone. I didn't want anyone to be disappointed, so off we went... I had to make an unexpected trip to where Ryan & Rose were cutting wood to relay a message for Daniel. 1/2 hour...
Had to have lunch... $20 Had to feed baby, so we went to the park... Met a friend there... Her lunch took a long time to prepare... 1 hour... Off to K Mart... Found shoes... Amen! Went back towards home... TOTALLY forgot to pick up the stuff at D's work site... Groceries... I sent Kathryn in because I had to feed the baby again... 1 hour... We got home at 5:30 pm. Seriously, it was crazy. The evening went down hill from there, trying to feed a starving, tired infant, keep Gabe, Luke & Anya calm (they've been in a car all day) while we get dinner ready, etc... Why do I forge ahead with my plans when I know that they are not what God wants?

The lesson in all this is that God truly cares about every intricate detail of my life. He wants to save my little princess from being burned. He wants to save me an extra trip to the basement for that infamous pair of jeans. He wants me to plan my day according to His plan for my day. He wants me to make that cup of coffee or that phone call. He wants to pour out His blessings, even in the little, minute details in my life.

Today, I listened. I turned around when I passed the farmers market, thinking if I waited they would probably be gone when I came back through. They were closing for the season in 10 minutes. I struck up a conversation with one of the farmers. I hadn't seen this man in 20 years. I lived less than 5 miles from him when I was a teenager. He said he was just thinking about my mom & wondered how she was. I live an hour and a half from my hometown!

I listened. I put on my old Columbia coat. I haven't worn in in a year and a half. I checked the pockets... a dollar bill, a set of keys & some rubber bands... I went to the hardware store for D, after my chat with the farmer. He needed paint chips for an upcoming job. I needed every shade of white that Benjamin Moore had. As I paid for my other purchase, I thought about how I was going to keep these paint chips together & not have them spread all over the van. Aha... a rubber band. I was elated!

I listened. I called our customer ahead of time. His wife & he wanted to meet me & asked if I could come a little later. We had a wonderful visit! They enjoyed meeting the baby & I pray God was glorified by our conversation.

It's simple little things that make a profound difference. Today was a great day!

Am I listening? Lord, help me to never forget these simple lessons that You teach me every day!

In His Grip,

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Jenny's Pearl Necklace

Jenny's Pearl Necklace

Author Unknown

The cheerful girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them: a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box.

"Oh please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please!" Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face.

"A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2. If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma." As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her piggy bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores. She went to the neighbor, Mrs. McJames, and asked if she could pick dandelions for ten cents. On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace.

Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere--Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother had told her that if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.

Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One night when he finished the story, he asked Jenny, "Do you love me?"

"Oh yes, Daddy. You know that I love you."

"Then may I have your pearls?"

"Oh, Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess--the white horse from my collection. The one with the pink tail. Remember, Daddy? The one you gave me. She's my favorite."

"That's okay, honey. Daddy loves you. Good night." And he brushed her cheek with a kiss.

About a week later, after the story time, Jenny's daddy asked again, "Do you love me?"

"Daddy, you know I love you."

"Then will you give me your pearls?"

"Oh, Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is so beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper."

"That's okay, Honey. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you." And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss. A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian-style. As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek.

"What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?"

Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. When she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said, "Here, Daddy. It's for you."

With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's kind daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime store necklace. With the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to Jenny. He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her the genuine treasure.

So it is with our Heavenly Father. He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives so that He can give us beautiful treasure. Isn't God good?

Are you holding onto things that God wants you to let go of? Are you holding onto harmful or unnecessary partners, relationships, habits and activities that you have come so attached to that it seems impossible to let go?

Sometimes it is so hard to see what is in the other hand but do believe this one thing... God will never take away something without giving you something better in its place.

A note from Laura

I read this 5 years ago & have kept it. I ran across it the other day and just couldn't throw it away without sharing it. What a reminder of how Jesus is Lord & I need to be willing to let go of people & things that are not God's best for me. Maybe I should just let go instead of wrestling all night & ending up with a limp. :)

In His Grip,


Thursday, September 23, 2010

It's All About The Process

I had a light bulb moment the other day! It's very exciting to me, although to some of you, it may be, "DUH!!!"

It's all about the process!!! This parenting thing...

It doesn't work too well when I'm trying to train a little one to go potty on the potty & I get upset because she hasn't got it down yet. I want to cross it off my to do list.

It doesn't work too well when I am sitting down to teach Gabriel phonics or math & I get upset because he's not doing it right.

It doesn't work real well when I'm busy typing a blog post & I get irritated because I'm being interrupted by the girls to check their narration projects.

I realized that I can apply the "reap what you sow" principle to training & teaching my children. Little by little, precept upon precept, I will teach Gabriel to "blend" two letters together. Then, someday in the future, he will be able to read words. Then, a little later, he will be able to read a book. I don't have to treat it like a "to do" list with a "get 'er done" attitude. I can enjoy the journey & leave the results of my diligent effort in the Lord's hands.

My "get 'er done" attitude is great for finishing chores, accomplishing a task, or organizing... But it doesn't work real well on the most important people in my life, my husband & children. I'm ashamed to admit that so much of the time, I've not taken those moments that God gave me to look at that bug or listen to a story... to look into their eyes & show them I care.

My prayer is that God will transform my heart & help me to be much more relaxed with my family, enjoying the moments that make up our journey. This process of parenting will be going on for many more years to come.

Lord, redeem the time. Thank you for convicting my heart.
Help me to enjoy the journey & trust You with the outcome.

Monday, September 13, 2010

He Is Called

As we've "officially" started our school year, I've been reflecting on the beginning of our home school journey. I was very excited to home school! I had various motives, from wanting to be "just like them" to wanting to save my children from the world. Daniel, on the other hand, didn't want anything to do with it. My emotions were very strong. I was angry. I pouted. I called friends. I called a friend of mine, an older, Godly man, a father figure for me. I told him how I was feeling. "Laura, if you are meant to home school, God will call Daniel." "Fathers are called to home school." Talk about taking the wind out of my sails. Here I was, wanting to do the "right" thing, and God was saying, "Trust me & wait."

Maybe a year later, school was getting ready to start. I still wanted to home school badly. We didn't have any money for curriculum. But Daniel said that if God wanted us to home school, He would provide the curriculum. I called friends again, women who had been homeschooling for years. "What curriculum did you use for...?" A Godly friend said, "Ask the One who called you?" Talk about taking the wind out of my sails. Here I was, trying to find the "perfect" curriculum, and God was saying, "Trust me & prepare."

So I prayed. I researched. I decided on a curriculum that would give Rose & I time together. More intimate, less structured. I called Nancy, the local home school group coordinator. She was giving me ideas. I said, "What I really want to do is Five In A Row." "Oh my gosh, I am the Five In A Row queen. I have all the books you need & you can borrow them all!" "WHAT!?! Did I just hear that correctly? No way! Oh yeah... God is good!"

The next year came. I really wanted to home school Kathryn, too. Daniel was not interested. He was concerned with the amount of time it would take to home school both girls. Would I have enough time to take care of the little ones? I didn't pout so much this time. I prayed. I prepared. I ordered a curriculum that both the girls could do if God changed Daniel's heart on the matter. Daniel started working with this guy. He didn't have any kids. But, as they talked, Kit convinced Daniel that Kathryn really didn't know what was best for her, that the public schools were not what was best... Within a couple of months, Daniel told me to pull Kathryn from school.

Ryan told us 2 weeks later that he wanted to be home schooled, too. He couldn't see the benefit in spending 9 hours a day away from home when his sisters "had it sooo much easier." I will elaborate on his story in a later post.

That was 2 years ago. It has been a struggle at times. It has been a process, a journey. Our home is constantly changing & growing.

This year, we have a fresh vision & focus. We have Gabriel, Lukasz & Anya who have their own special "class" now. Gabriel, because he loves it from last year. Lukasz, because I want him to get lots of practice speaking (there is a lot of rhyming in this program). Anya, because she wants to be apart of the group (she's not a baby, you know). We have a curriculum that helps to teach all of them in a one room school house type setting with the Bible as the main history book. We will learn how the Ancient Egyptian culture relates to the men in the Bible. Kathryn is focusing on Algebra & writing. Rosalie & Mama will be spending some focused time on math & math & more math. Ryan is gaining more & more skill as a carpenter. He's working through his Stewardship math class that I probably need to take right along with him & his world history that he's realizing he MUST complete if he wants to read the next book on his list, "What He Must Be To Marry My Daughter" by Voddie Baucham. We'll do one or two scrap book pages a week to put into our notebooks, to keep track of what we're learning & to give them an outlet for their natural creative abilities. We'll continue to take care of our garden, put up the veggies & prepare for winter. We'll go to the Sprinkler Lake Nature Fest, the planetarium for Christmas, the Saginaw Children's Museum & possibly the Creation Museum. Most importantly, we'll build another year's worth of memories, learn a lot of lessons, learn a lot about the grace & mercy of our Saviour, that He would chose us for this journey.

I am so thankful that God granted me the grace to listen to those hard words that Gary told me years ago. I am positive that our home school journey would be very different today, if I had continued in rebellion against my husband & not honored him even when he told me "no." I am also positive that God has poured His blessings down on us because we allowed Him to work in our home.

Jesus has changed my heart so much since the "beginning". Now, instead of trying to fit in or impress others... instead of trying to shield them from the world out of fear... Now, we just want to be obedient to what God has called us to do, to shut out the "noise" of the world, so we can look them in the eye & instruct them & train them in the way they should go.

In His Grip,

Thursday, September 2, 2010

I Just Wanted To Hear Your Voice, Honey

Our family went over to a sweet, older couple's house last Sunday. It was totally last minute. Both hubbies forgot to mention that we were stopping by after church. :) But it was so nice. We sat outside. The kids got to play & run & catch frogs. The women chatted & the men "discussed" the business at hand.

But one things sticks out in my mind & in my heart. We were talking about fathers & daughters. He said that he still calls his 1st born once a week, "just to hear your voice, honey." My first reaction was a little envious twinge. But my second & strongest was that sweet reminder that my Father in heaven just wants to hear my voice. Prayer, to me, is not a set of ritualistic words that I must say so that "God will hear me properly" and then He'll do what I say. What if I had the audacity to believe that I am the "one that Jesus loves."... He just wants to hear my voice??? I please Him??? Just like a Daddy I know, rushing in as soon as he hears his little girl fuss & saying, "Daddy's home. I've gotcha. Hi Izabella." That's how God feels about me, his daughter.

I used to have a bumper sticker that read, "I'm a princess because my Daddy is the King of Kings!"

I John 3-1 Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God:

Zephaniah 3: 14-17 Sing, O daughter of Zion; shout, O Israel; be glad and rejoice with all the heart, O daughter of Jerusalem. The LORD hath taken away thy judgments, he hath cast out thine enemy: the king of Israel, even the LORD, is in the midst of thee: thou shalt not see evil any more. In that day it shall be said to Jerusalem, Fear thou not: and to Zion, Let not thine hands be slack. The LORD thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.

Hosea 3-14 Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfortably unto her.

John 21-7 Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, "It is the Lord!"

In His Grip,

Saturday, August 21, 2010

The Beauty Of The Lord

As I "walk along the way", I have the privilege of seeing "The Beauty Of The Lord" all around me. Of course, that's when I'm paying attention. As I've watched this summer FLY by, I wonder how often I've been too busy to notice Him.
One occasion that sticks out clearly in my mind. I bribed the kids... If you do really well with all your chores, we'll go to the beach later. We finally made it to the point at 7 pm. It was chilly. It was windy. But I promised. As I sat there feeding the baby, watching the girls play in the waves, the boys play in the sand, I was anxious. I had so much to do. It was almost past their bedtime. I'm cold. We should have come sooner. Daniel has my camera. The video camera doesn't have batteries charged. I went from enjoying them to thinking to enjoying them to being ready to go to enjoying... You get the idea. I stood up and turned around and looked up. There was the sun, just the rays, peaking through the clouds pointing right at the light house. In that moment, God spoke directly to my anxious heart, "Be still & know that I am God! Relax. I'm here."
God is so amazing...
We went to the beach another time.
It was beautiful.
But that one cloud...
waited out the first shower in the pavilion. The sun came out. We went down to the beach. I sat down. The kids ran into the lake. It started to down pour. It started to hail. I started to laugh. It stopped raining. The sun came out. A dear friend brought coffee. Daddy called. He came to fly kites. The kites got tangled. The kids had fun.
God is amazing...
I watch Daddy, playing with his little girls, telling them how beautiful they are. I watch him swoon over his littlest one. I remember him 6 years ago, scared to death to be a daddy to little girls.
God is amazing...
I watch our lives change, our hearts change, like a butterfly coming out of a chrysallis, struggling to be set free from the chains that bind us... God is working in the struggles... Helping us to see Him... Helping us to relax & enjoy the journey... Helping us to be thankful for each other... Helping us to look outward, to be servants, to be "doers of the Word", to love others, to speak the truth...

I will declare the beauty of the Lord... He's all around...

In His Grip,

Thursday, August 12, 2010

It's a weed... well, maybe it's not!

As I said in an earlier post, this is our family's first real vegetable garden, beyond tomatoes & peppers. But if you were to drive into our yard, it would become obvious that we've been gardening for awhile. Our yard is full of flower beds. I LOVE the cottage garden look & feel, where there are flowers everywhere with no real rhyme or reason to it all. I love having veggies mixed with flowers mixed with herbs. And I have weeds. Some of these weeds have been pulled over & over but still seem to rear their ugly heads. The past few years, though, I've been letting some of those "weeds" have their way in my garden. Letting them be & discovering some amazing things about them.

Like plantain... ALL over our yard, without weed killer it would be utterly impossible to get rid of this "pest". After a little research into the herb world, however, this little weed has very powerful astringent properties making it a miracle cure for mosquito bites, to say the least!

Another good one is stinging nettle. This thing is PAINFUL!

If you are going to pull this one, you must wear leather gloves, as to not be stung by it's little hairs that cover it's body. After more research, I found it was possibly good as an antihistamine & very good at increasing circulation. This is a short testimony of its healing powers...

I had no idea of the true healing power.by Editor on May 29, 2009

My dad is a type two diabetic. With this he has also been diagnosed with neuropathy. His nerve endings "died" and according to his Dr. was going to have to have fingers, toes, and eventually feet and hands amputated as they died. We were out harvesting stinging nettles for tea a few years ago, when he decided he was going to pick them for me so I didn't have to wear
gloves he could just do it himself. He picked for 45mins. When he started
to get feeling back in his hands. He was so joyous not have had feeling at all for three years in his hands or feet. He proceeded to take his shoes off and walk all over the nettle plants until he started 'feeling' the burn. Praise the Lord! I knew it was good for diabetics as a tea I had no idea of
the true healing power. God is so awesome. Blessings, S. C

Two that I have routinely pulled from my garden are very good & good for you, purslane & lamb's quarter. We have started cultivating them & adding them to our salads.

The only reason I ever thought these were weeds is because someone told me they were. I trusted that someone without ever doing more research on my own.

Reminds me of my own life. What is it that I have believed just because someone said it. I didn't check into it. I didn't do any research. I didn't really even think about it. I just believed. I'm learning though. My husband said to me one time, "The hardest thing for me was to realize that everything I've ever known was wrong." That is a profound statement.

I have always believed that being bold was wrong, that sticking up for what was right, was just being a trouble maker, starting problems, being dramatic. Now, I realize that I must stand for what is right no matter how someone reacts. My duty is to stand. Their reaction is not my fault. How freeing! Maybe boldness is not a weed... Maybe the "stinging" that someone feels when I am bold is really God trying to wake their conscience up...

I have always believed that I must say things subtly, trying not to offend, trying to be politically correct. Paul was not politically correct. Peter wasn't politically correct. Jesus was not politically correct. Actually, these men were the exact opposite most times. Maybe being politically correct & sacrificing truth is really just creative manipulation & lying. Definitely a weed... Maybe the truth does hurt sometimes...

I've always thought that if I talked about my feelings, my emotions, then no one could argue with me, because they are mine. But, sometimes those emotions & feelings are WRONG! They are not based on fact, but past experiences, etc. Sometimes, my feelings don't matter. I need to suck it up and obey. Stop complaining & do it.

Philippians 2:14 Do all things without murmurings and disputings:

Die to my flesh & pick up my cross & follow Him.

Luke 9:23 And he said to them all, if any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.

Focusing on my feelings instead of on Him is a weed...

There's more... I pray that I will continue to be to be shown things that are weeds & things that are not.

I pray that I will not be open minded but Christ minded. That as I seek the mind of Christ...

1 Corinthians 2:10 - 16

The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. 11For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. 12We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. 13This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words. 14The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. 15The spiritual man makes judgments about all things, but he himself is not subject to any man's judgment:
16"For who has known the mind of the Lord
that he may instruct him?" But we have the mind of Christ.

John 8:32

And ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make ye free.